two days ago i did in fact go out and do adult things (scary). bought necessities. survived. however; note to self, never step into t.j.maxx on a weekend ever again. that place is primark’s evil cousin. same mess, but with tagless brand names judging you from every aisle (i felt watched). my brain fully blue-screened.
my siblings and cousins went to the museum, but i stayed back with the younger ones (voluntarily!). honestly? best choice. i got to buy replacements for most of the clothes i threw out, play around, and as a reward from the universe, i tried wingstop for the first time~ why did nobody warn me it was that good?? like genuinely delicious. i get it now. i’m late, but i get it.
at night, we played mafia again (as per tradition). somehow, tragically, it was me and my older sibling as mafia. instant among us era flashbacks kicked in. i knew he was going to vote me out first. spoiler alert; he did. betrayal was swift. since i got revealed early, he gained everyone’s trust and made it all the way to the finals like a politician with a spotless record.
BUT. before i “died,” i dropped what my cousin later called a gem (very dramatic). a tiny hint. he clocked it. he knew it was my sibling. but then his brain short-circuited and he convinced himself my youngest sibling was mafia instead; because he wanted her to win. so he killed my sibling (who was mafia) by accident, lol. kinda glad we didn't win.
also random but important; i was accidentally matching with my brother and another cousin. all of us in maroon. such a good colour. warm, grounded, slightly heavy in a comforting way. it sent me into one of those thoughts where colours and textures have feelings attached to them. like yellow feels loud and harsh to me (but i feel happy looking at it). velvet feels heavy and soft. cotton and polyester feel… neutral (almost the same). i think that’s why people have favourite colours; it’s not just visual, it’s emotional. sensory. memory-based.
this reminded me of something from high school. we were doing a survey about favourite colours, and i wanted to put indigo as an option. my partner stopped me and said it “wasn’t a real choice” and “not in the rainbow.” (and we all know it's ROYGBIV) i side-eyed them but went along with it (weak of me). then they asked our maths teacher his favourite colour. long pause.
“indigo.”
we added it.
next person we asked, a classmate. no hesitation.
“indigo.”
the odds of that still mess with me. either super hearing, or the universe wanted to make a point (i choose the latter). it’s still one of my favourite tiny coincidences; quiet but loud at the same time. but most importantly??? satisfying. like what do you mean the first two people we asked both said indigo??? the universe really leaned in and said “i got u bro.”
also now i’m genuinely curious (bc my brain won’t let this go):
how does your favourite colour feel to you, not just look? is it loud, soft, heavy, calm? and do you think you chose your favourite colour… or did it lowkey choose you over time?
as for me, i like red. and for some reason, red is always suspicious. why. every game. every time. i think i liked it first because my mum likes red (copycat behaviour confirmed), and then over time it just stuck. now i like how strong it feels. grounded. unapologetic. (okay stopping before i spiral.)
show-wise, i’ve been “rewatching” (cuz i didn't finish it) RACKET!!! sonyeondan~~~ HAAA!!!! yes. i did the chant. yes. i regretted it immediately. but watching racket boys again reminded me how, when it was airing, the actor for yoondam posted on instagram almost in real time with the show (i think the @ was bbangminton (nice word play with the surname btw)) it made the characters feel real; like they existed alongside us. it reminded me of skam and how immersive that felt. more shows should do this honestly. it adds such a nice layer of connection, like the story leaks into real life just a little.
side note; i also watched spiderman, ninjago, sonic prime, and the garfield show (who remembers that??). purely because my younger cousins wanted to. definitely not because i wanted to (lying).
last thing. i tried logging into spacehey yesterday just to brainstorm a layout (even though i kinda wanna keep the goong one), and suddenly it says “not available” after i turned on a vpn. what...?? it randomised me to new york. it's not available there.... uhm. why new york..? i vaguely remember seeing friends talk about bans in australia, maybe kosa-related? i genuinely don’t know; i might sound clueless. but it’s kind of sad. fewer places to vpn. fewer people to accidentally bump into online.
anyway. this post went everywhere, but i kind of like that. feels accurate to how my brain’s been lately (a little scattered, but sincere).
i hope everyone has a cozy, safe, and kind end to the year, whatever that looks like for you. new year is basically knocking already, so consider this your gentle reminder to start thinking about resolutions (or anti-resolutions). no pressure though, we’ll all pretend we’re ready when the time comes!!!!! >:D
sotd:
summer, please by indigo and payphone by maroon 5
Labels: 2025年12月, entries
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hello! 你好！i'm koi~ this is my little corner of the internet where i share my thoughts, memories, and obsessions. mostly dramas from the 90s and early 00s, music that makes me feel things, and random snippets from my life.
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