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welcome to my digital diary ~ now playing: Berryz Koubou (Berryz工房) - Maji Bomber!! (本気ボンバー!!) ~ currently watching: long vacation (1996)


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Updates:
- 09/30 - new theme!! 经典 journal - 09/08 added guestbook + shared button with friends (skeleton done!!)
- 09/03 new header tweaks
- 08/28 uploaded diary skin
- 08/20 gallery refreshed

Tuesday, December 09, 2025

so it's 4am and i slept at 4pm… wow. i legit passed out like someone unplugged me, and somehow i'm still tired. (maybe the travel just wrung me out like a rag). yesterday the whole family ended up watching inazuma eleven together… which shocked me cuz like, since when do all of us agree on anything?? pretty sure my older cousins corrupted the younger ones early on. my aunt walked by, saw us all lined up watching it, and just laughed like “yup. figures.” i skipped straight to the world cup arc cuz duh that’s the peak. (also watched some cloy).

in other news, i dropped my course even tho i was literally two exams away. kinda insane decision, but… i got other plans brewing. maybe an apprenticeship. maybe a part-time gig nearby. (but not now pls i need to lie down for like a month). this is my long vacation ;;

idk if it's just me but the work world lately feels like someone dumped puzzle pieces on the floor and forgot to give instructions............ everyone keeps saying “follow ur passion! :D” until u actually try and then suddenly it’s “be realistic. :/” and i get why ppl say creative jobs are dead weight now with ai around, but that always sounds like ppl repeating something they heard, not something they actually know. like yeah the world is shifting, but humans still want human stuff. stories. taste. instinct. the weird quirks only we have. every field looks scary from the outside, and honestly a lot of adults look like they’re just pretending they know what they’re doing anyway. maybe work isn’t meant to feel like some destiny quest. maybe it’s just exploring, messing up, retrying, and finding places where u fit for a bit. i keep reminding myself that ppl reinvent their careers like four times nowadays. so why am i acting like i only get one shot? (dramatic much).

if the whole world keeps changing, isn’t it actually smarter to choose something u don’t hate? something u can grow with? just a thought.

ok enough about work before my brain fries. exo dropped their teaser and… idk man, i’m not feeling that rush. like i should be bouncing off the walls, but instead i just blinked at it like “oh. ok.” i did get a tiny spark when i saw lay’s teaser pics cuz he actually showed up after many years (excluding his green screen appearance), but a part of me kept waiting for chenbaekxi to magically pop out like “surprise loser we’re back.” but nope. of course not.

and the whole thing… i already kinda know what the mv’s gonna look like. it feels like one of those movies where you can tell it’s wrapping up just from the trailer. my jyj theory being right is actually making me bitter (like why did i have to be correct, i wanted to be delusional in peace). but whatever… we just cling to hope like champs i guess.

ok seriously i’m done writing now before i start typing a thesis about this :] byebyeeeeeee

Labels: 2025年12月, entries

♥︎ 5 Comments:

At 12/09/2025 7:23 am , decoding yabuki said...: koiiiii :3 lolz, the reverse sleep schedule... i totally get feeling tired when you've slept so much. it happens to me all the time x( i hope u feel more energized soon!!!

ooooo other plans!!! what sort of apprenticeship are you hoping for, if you don't mind me asking? it sounds really cool. over here in the us they aren't talked about much unless you take a shop class... the main point i wanna get to tho, is u def deserve the long vacation, as long as it it needs to be.

exactly!!! it seems like no one knows anything. people higher up are out of touch, we're in the dark until we're not. it's practically a miracle to be in a job you actually like (not feel indifferent about), that's actually stable and secure.

and right, always growing and changing. that's what the world-- and humans, ultimately-- are. i'd say we're infinite, but of course we have finite time, so. infinite in our finiteness.

i saw the exo teaser. i'm glad they're returning to lore again, and interested with what'll happen next, though i'm not excited about the use of ai.like... i know it's not exo's fault, it's sm's for wanting to penny pinch, but why are you trying to promote art and something that's hurting artists at the same time. ugh!!!

and yeah, like you said with cbx... when was the last time all the members got to show off their powers, again...? we're gonna have power lore without light, lightning, and frost? a comeback without their vocals?

and again i agree, it looks like some sort of ending... i really hope this isn't the end of their legends lore, and they just do... whatever. connecting it back to their other world was what makes exo, exo. it's the name!!! there has to be some hope. idk. i can't dedicate to despair rn.

bye koiiii~
At 12/09/2025 7:23 am , decoding yabuki said...: omg i wrote an essay i'm so sorry
At 12/09/2025 2:37 pm , nara said...: bro my sleep schedule has been pretty messed up too so i can relate. i love the family bonding time tho, that's so sweet!! <3

i feel this.. like i barely even know what i wanna do with my life, and the thought of it is just so overwhelming. and u have all these outside opinions coming in making u even more confused. working a career is basically playing pretend but for adults. u might as well choose something u like, even if only a little bit. otherwise, things may just be miserable.

aww, i'm sorry to hear that about exo. it's no fun to not experience the giddy feeling u used to get from a group. so, i'm really hoping the whole situation fixes itself.. i hate that they cannot all be together. it's not right.

please take care, and have a great rest of ur week, koi! talk soon :D
At 12/09/2025 2:48 pm , koi ♥︎ said...: hiii eugene!!! oooo you too???? i don’t even fight it anymore. if my body wants to cosplay as a bat, fine. whatever ㅠㅠ

as for the apprenticeship, idk yet honestly. i’m kinda peeking around like a suspicious cat. maybe something creative-adjacent or tech-adjacent. something where i won’t evaporate from boredom. if i find smthin ofc...but yeah… later. vacation mode it is YESSSSHHHH!!!!!

i love how u put it :0 infinite in our finiteness!!!

and RIGHT????? sigh... i literally wanted to be excited so bad but the ai thing instantly made my eye twitch. it feels dirty(?)
i’m keeping tiny microscopic hope that this isn’t the end end end. sm loves dragging things out so maybe we’ll get actual exo crumbs later.

talk to u soon eugene :] (thank u for the essay HAHAHAHA)
At 12/09/2025 3:02 pm , koi ♥︎ said...: hi nara!! :D
i guess we all just have messed up sleep schedules at this point… and yes!! bonding time is the best time! <3

and omg yeah… career talk makes my brain fold in on itself. half the time i’m like “i’ll figure it out” and the other half i’m staring at a wall thinking i should just become a mailbox or something. everyone throwing opinions at u like confetti does not help either. and u’re so right.......... adulthood is basically pretending u know what ur doing and hoping no one notices. might as well pick something that doesn’t make u cry into ur rice.

exo… yeah...... ㅠㅠ i’m trying not to spiral. the whole situation just feels wrong in a way i can’t even explain properly. praying the universe fixes itself somehow!!!! >:0000

u take care too nara :] hope ur week is gentle on u. talk soon!!

currently obsessed 最近沉迷:

drama: long vacation (1996)
song: moonlight - exo
food: fried rice!!!
games: random flash games, mahjong, sudoku, yakuza 0,

personality 性格

♡ daydreamer
♡ overly sentimental
♡ collects useless trinkets

favorites 最愛

colour(s): scarlet.... and...uh... ngl i like every colour!! :/
dessert: apple crumble, pancakes, sainsbury's cookies!!
drink: melon soda, thai tea boba, hata ramune, guava n mango juice

animal: ezo momonga, goldfishes, red pandas, pikas, golden snub-nosed monkey, arctic foxes, deers... and more!
season: spring // autumn
time: sunrise