this random memory smacked me in the face: my primary school teacher blasting für elise on loop. and not like a cute one-time thing. no. the man hit repeat for the entire silent reading block. 30 mins of silent reading EVERYDAY. same song. same little piano loop. over n over again.

and now i’m thinking… he wasn’t setting the mood. he was running a full-on pavlov experiment on us!!!!!!!!! the guy was conducting a classical conditioning experiment on our tiny brains!!!!!! bell = food for dogs, für elise = "settle down kids! it's time to read." v diabolical. (sir, u couldn’t switch it up? maybe the second half??) the man really committed to the bit.

that’s why i think i can’t read in silence now. it’s not quiet focus; it feels like a lack(?) like the page is waiting for its score. my focus got wired to need a background of structured, wordless sound. no lyrics to hijack the narrative in my head, just… organized noise keeping the chaos from leaking out.

and it makes me wonder what other soundtracks imprinted on us... y’know? :/

so yeah. maybe i’ll never be a person who reads in a quiet cafe. maybe i’ll always need my chamber music or my baroque playlists. and maybe that’s okay? it’s not a bug; it’s a feature. my own personal time-travel portal, straight back to being 7, with a book about dinosaurs and the gentle, looping waves of elise >:DDD yeah..... that sounds about right. okay bu-bye.

Labels: 2025年12月, entries, random