r e w i n d n o t e ♥︎

so, uh... kinda freaking out a bit as i write this. i’ve been stress studying all day, which is nothing new, but something happened that has me spiraling. there’s this “pimple” (or at least i thought it was a pimple) right in the center of my collarbone, like in that little dip. i got it last summer when i had this massive fever, and i didn’t think much of it at the time. but today, it got irritated. it hurts now, like an ache that’s impossible to ignore.

being the genius that i am, i went down the rabbit hole of self-diagnosing on reddit. i found someone describing the exact same thing, and let me tell you, worst decision ever. the comments were filled with people saying, “go to the ER now,” “this might be MRSA,” and just terrifying stuff like that. i don’t even know if it’s the same thing, but now my brain is in full-on doomsday mode.

honestly, i’m trying not to overreact, but at the same time, what if i’m ignoring something serious? like, what if it’s not just a random bump or irritation? the pain is real, and it’s messing with me more than i want to admit. i told my mum about it, and we’re planning to call the clinic first thing tomorrow morning. part of me feels like i’m overthinking (typical me), but another part is like, “what if this is actually serious?” i can’t tell if i’m more scared of what it might be or the idea of having to deal with doctors and tests.

anyway, i’m just lying here now, half wrapped in my blanket, trying to stay calm but failing miserably. i know stressing out won’t help, but it’s hard not to when your mind goes straight to worst-case scenarios. i guess i’ll just try to sleep (lol, as if that’ll happen) and see what tomorrow brings.

i’m really hoping the clinic can figure out what’s going on, because i don’t think i can keep brushing this off much longer. i keep telling myself it’s probably just stress, but what if it’s not? guess i’ll find out soon enough. for now, i’ll just stay in my blanket cocoon and try not to spiral too much.

hoping for answers tomorrow!!! :0

Labels: 2004年11月, entries